“CHIMA EYIKWAM SHAA” – Chima I’m Wearing Nothing

Today, I recall with intense amusement my experience years ago, sometime in 2004; to be closer to precision. 

I was an altar Boy, this some persons still call wrongly, “man servers”, the correct thing being Mass Servers. I joined late in 2013, August 16^th to be exact. In my own local Parish, there was a very strict methodology of ascent through the rank and file of the Altar Servers, and as with other ecclesiastical associations and institutions, there was a very strict discipline and in our own case, this discipline can be very ‘hot’.

Someone who wishes to join the Altar Servers must first be a communicant and a devout Christian. The discipline in the Association was thus that parents, whose children were ‘thick-headed’, would send such children to join the Altar Servers in order to be disciplined. There exist, even now, a perceived consensus among many that Altar Servers would always become priests, partly because of their closeness to priests and to the Altar.

There was a period of ‘Trial’. This is a three month period, when a member is tested to see if he can undertake to bear the rigors of being a Mass Server. At this period, one was not to miss any single activity of the Association for complete three months. If one misses any, then he starts afresh! A very important thing to note was that the activities of the Association was so jam-packed that it requires more than enough passion and restraint, for one to succeed. Here:

1.       Mondays: practices for football and other games

2.       Wednesdays: learning practices

3.       Saturday mornings: clean up, meeting/sharing of Mass schedule

4.       Saturday Evenings: practices on how to serve Mass

5.       Sundays: compulsory attendance at Masses, Evening instructions and Benedictions

6.       Mondays – Saturdays: compulsory attendance at Morning Masses 

After a period of 3 months, the books of record are checked and one who is adjudged to have met all requirements, both in keeping with the ethics and norms of the Association is welcomed as a ‘member’. At this stage, such a person is not yet a ‘Full Member’. The acceptance of one into the fold begins another journey into becoming a full member. This can take weeks, months and even years. 

Being a ‘Full Member’, one is accepted fully into the fold and begins the monthly payment of N10.it is from this group also that persons of character are chosen to lead the Association. Full members also have the diocesan Identity cards.

On discipline, there was strictly a very hierarchical system whereby persons who joined the Association earlier than a new comer takes precedence, even when such new comer is older than the earlier member. That was the case. Punishments were meted out to offenders of the rules as enshrined in the constitution.

A typical Altar Knight Constitution would have penalties - from caning to manual labour, to suspension and in cases of severe recklessness, expulsion – for as little as wearing shorts to the Church! The funniest aspect of this was that we feared the Executives – as we called them- more than we did for our parents; sends a signal?

Our leaders then were much older persons. Some of them were in Senior Secondary while others have finished school and was in doing full time or part time jobs. Most of them had bears and it did seem to us that all of them went to ‘schools of caning’, this is because of how efficient and stingingly painful their flogging were.

One faithful Saturday morning, we came for a practice as usual only to meet a vexed executive; his name was Chima. Chima rarely talks and to add to it, he was stammering. I was called among those who were absent for a practice penultimate week. There were many of us’ I was devastated.

I was one of the core loyalists, feared canes more than so many other things and to add salt to injury, I was wearing my shorts only, without any inner additional wears. Some of us, because they were serial offenders, made it a point of commitment with themselves, to always put on additional wears inside, such that when they are flogged, it won’t penetrate much.

Then, there was a general cliché around, ‘’EYIKWA M CHAA”, which literally means “I am putting on nothing (inside)”. This is because our leaders came to observe that most of us do wear double or triple shorts while coming for practices and as such, they had to increase the velocity of the flogging. In some cases, they may come across someone who was wearing only his shorts or trousers and the fleshy sound of “tai” would always follow when such person is flogged. In order to forestall that, we devised a means of letting them know when we do not have additional cloths under. This was to make them reduce the intensity of their caning.

On this Saturday, I did employ this, but it did not work for me. With tears rolling down my check I kept telling ChIma, “Chima eyikwa m chaa”- Chima I am not putting on anything inside, but with each plea came the stinging sound ‘Tai’ ‘Tai’. I left that they with a personal resolution that I would quit being a member.

Ask me if I did?

I DIDN’T!!! MY PASSION FOR THE ASSOCIATION COULDN,T FREE ME.